This is it. I leave Zambia in less than 24 hours but a part of me will remain. Mostly I will carry Zambia with me, the things I've seen, learned, and the people I've loved. The beauty of trial and triumph, of tears and laughter will forever rest in my soul. I was given remembrances from the groups and people I've worked with in the form of song, craft, words, and embrace. I left Mwamba to songs from the MILEX Nursery School kids as all their faces crowded into the doorway and their little hands waving their last goodbyes. The last drive down that red dirt road was tough. I will never live like I lived in Mwamba. The walk across my village to sounds of little voices greeting me, pumping water from the well, carrying my laundry on my head from the river, cycling to afternoon meetings, and falling asleep to the village drums. I am so thankful for this opportunity. I have been immeasurably changed by this place and these people. It is bitter sweet, agonizing bliss to leave and yet reunite with my world and family in the states. I can't wait to see everyone I left, but of course we never leave people and places because they remain inside. Again I want to thank everyone who came with me on this journey and will continue to accompany me. I am full of love and hope for what tomorrow will bring. I will leave with a poem one of my fellow volunteers and dearest friends wrote...

And here I am
Preparing my goodbyes
Preparing my hellos
Trying to remember what I didn’t know
What I couldn’t know
Until I knew
Until I met you
The you that’s now me
Deep inside
Penetrating my life
And now I understand
You were where I was always coming
But I was always leaving
The unintentional suicide
Of a child who couldn’t see
That child was me
I chose to believe
In what the world could be
It’s in the way the seasons change
A shedding of skin
To greet the new
To part with the old
One day it’s hot
The next day it’s cold
I found myself washed
In the baptismal rains
With their consistent inconsistencies
Giving steps to the lame
I knew it wouldn’t last
I knew I’d have to go
You’re not my world
But you’re in my soul
A dreamer from the beginning
A dreamer till the end
And here you are
A beautiful friend
But it’s time for me to go
It’s time for me to leave
It’s time for me to see
That it’s time for me to breathe
The inhale means nothing
If the exhale’s not there
You were my intake
But the letting go I can bear
So now I’m going home
To write letters I’ll probably never send
Whispering words into the wind
This is my goodbye
This is my hello
And I finally remember what I didn’t know
What I couldn’t know
Until I knew
Until I met you.

-Lyndsey MacMahan CAHP 07